I woke up this morning and doodled this picture. It has been inside of me for eleven years and I have been afraid that if I tried to draw it, I would mess up and my heart would break again from the memories. I did. I love it. I am on the other side.
Have you ever wondered what Santa’s last stop is after he delivers all of the gifts in his sleigh? This story takes us back in time, to a day that changed my life forever.
Date: Christmastime 2003 – 8 months after the death of my mother
Place: Apex Volunteer Firehouse, Downtown Apex, NC
Setting: Kids taking turns sitting on Santa’s Lap during the Pancake Breakfast
We waited in line on a sunny winter morning after eating at the pancake breakfast. Dylan was in first grade. When it was his turn to sit on Santa’s lap, he climbed up to him and stood beside his chair. Mrs. Clause was there too with her jolly smile. Dylan was very quiet. Santa shared a heartfelt Ho Ho Ho and asked Dylan what he wanted to find under his tree on Christmas morning. Dylan said he really only wanted one thing but it was something that the elves could not make. With curious ears and camera in hand, I listened for his response. Santa told him that the elves were magic and asked Dylan to share his wish. Dylan looked Santa straight in the eye and said, “My Gram died this year and my mom and me are really sad. My mom cries everyday and even though she tries for me to not know, I can hear her. My wish is for you to go to Heaven and ask God to pick her up in Heaven on your sleigh and bring her back for just one day on Christmas. I think God will understand.” Dawson was watching me and clinging to my legs. Santa paused for a long while and then finally spoke. I fought back tears of sadness and overwhelm. What could this man possible say that would make this moment okay for us, would make Dylan’s little heart be able to still believe in the magic (and mine).
And then Santa spoke. This is what he said. “Once people die and go to Heaven, they can not ever come back. Heaven is full of love and the people we miss who are there will be waiting for us when it our turn. If you want to write a letter to your Gram and leave it under your tree, I will pick it up and deliver it. The mailbox to Heaven is my last stop on my way back to the North Pole after I deliver all of the toys.”
I cried (again). Dylan was satisfied. We talked about it for days and discussed Heaven and Jesus and what that mailbox must look like. And the custom began.
We all wrote letters to my mom that year and Santa picked them up. Dylan told her about first grade and his soccer team. Dawson drew a picture. I wrote what could be considered a novel. We still write and leave letters under the tree. Some years just me. Some years others in the family.
Last year I shared this on my FB in a reaction to the Sandy Hook shootings “I think of this today because of the many brothers and sisters, moms and dads of the children killed in Connecticut and the sadness that will be so alive in their hearts every day, especially the magical time of Christmas. Writing the letters helps heal the wounds of the loss of my dear mother. I always think about making this into a child’s book to offer the wise words of the firehouse Santa to others. I think the time has come. I declare that by the end of 2013, I will write and illustrate, Santa’s Last Stop!”
I did not follow through. 2013 and 2014 were filled with life changes for me and my family. We have been in reaction to other’s decisions but I can finally say that I am at peace. I am grounded and ready. 2015 is the year. I will write, illustrate and find an editor to publish my story. I am hoping that Priscilla Burris will help me. I should probably reach out to her. I have just been too, well too timid I guess.
The mailbox for the letters is under the tree in our new Colorado home and ready. It is time for me to write to her and tell her that I am happy, that her grandsons are happy and that life is good. It is time for me to let go of the wish for her return and believe in Santa’s message.
I will never know who the man volunteering his time at the firehouse that day was but will forever be thankful that he was the one there that day. He was an angel. His words transformed the quality of my life forever, a gift I want to share. God is all around me and it is times like this that even in my deepest grief, His light shines through. While Christmas is the story of the birth of Jesus, it is also the story of how Santa spread His peace for me.
Happy Holidays and Love to All,
Laura
Sharon Collins says
December 16, 2014 at 10:26 amThank you. I lost a cousin just Saturday. He was in TN. This last week has been a struggle for me. Those of us in Texas & it is all but one of the cousins will probably have to find a way to make our own peace. I have missed his dad’s & two of his sisters ‘ s funerals. I still struggle with losing three aunts in 2011. Your letters may be b the answer. I was going to write my parents, brother, sister, nieces, & nephew anyway. I may add Jeffrey as well.
Katie Berry says
December 16, 2014 at 10:27 amI love you so much! What a great story!!! And yes, as I sit in the Apex Baptist Church Preschool carpool line just down the street from that Fire Department reading this, I have no tissues to dry my eyes. Prayers!! XOXO!
Betsy Burnett says
December 16, 2014 at 10:50 amWow Laura,
I lost my mom 1 1/2 years ago and it still feels like yesterday. Last year was my first Christmas without her and I was volunteering at the teen center and the director was asking everyone “what they wanted for Christmas” and I couldn’t answer because the thing I most wanted …mom still being here….was the one thing I could not have. Thank you for sharing this touching story!! ~ Betsy
Terri Burson says
December 16, 2014 at 10:57 amSniff, sniff…..what a great book this would make.
Heidi Muska says
December 16, 2014 at 11:11 amLove your story! I wish you great success in getting your story wrote and published! I for one would love to read it. What a great tradition to have in your family! 🙂
Annie Thompson says
December 16, 2014 at 11:23 amLaura..
This is such a beautiful story, and through the eyes, and voice of a child with Santa, Santa’s words were perfect. I wish you and your family a blessed Christmas season.
Start on your book in 2015, I would love to purchase a copy of Santa’s Last Stop.
Paulette Aldridge says
December 16, 2014 at 11:45 amSorry for first post. . . Can’t wait to read it! So proud of you dear friend!
Juliana Postlewaite says
December 16, 2014 at 11:48 amWhat a beautiful story and illustration and thank you for sharing your story. I love that Santa’s last stop is Heaven. It makes my heart happy and I’ll be writing letters this year with my daughter and mom and brother for my dad.
Jessica says
December 16, 2014 at 6:00 pmDo it! We will all buy it!! xo
Heidi @ One Creative Mommy says
December 16, 2014 at 11:00 pmBeautiful tradition! I’ll be forwarding this to someone I know that might need it. Thanks for sharing your story.
Ryp Walters says
December 17, 2014 at 3:43 amLaura,
You are a talented, loving and creative leader. It’s time for the book!
Aly my love always.
Adrianne says
December 17, 2014 at 7:37 amOh Laura, this is beautiful. I would 100% buy this book. Thanks for sharing such a beautiful story – and wow, that Santa needs a raise for poise like that.
Marilyn says
December 17, 2014 at 10:57 amOH, Laura, how moving. This is such a beautiful story and one I will be clinging too. My father has suffered 3 strokes since July 2013 and my mom is so frail that I know I will be losing them sooner than I will be ready. Hugs to you today and everyday!
admin says
December 17, 2014 at 11:49 amLove you!
mary says
December 18, 2014 at 5:09 amA story that touches the heart !❤ You should definetly get that book done, so many people can relate to it at this time of year! Happy Holidays to you and yours….
dkzody says
December 24, 2014 at 1:49 pmGood story, good idea, good way to help with the grief. Best wishes for 2015. You’ve added much joy to the last quarter of 2014 for me.
Paulette Aldridge says
December 16, 2015 at 11:53 pmLaura, Hope you don’t mind, I’m buying a mailbox and starting this so I can write to my young grandson I lost a couple months ago. My heart aches for him everyday. Maybe this will help me. I know I need something because I can hardly bare it some days, and the holidays I just don’t want or care to celebrate, but I must for the rest of my family. Thank you friend for your story, I know it’s going to be a hit! I’ll be in line to buy it and want it autographed! Love you and so proud to call you friend.
Donna says
December 17, 2015 at 12:29 amAs I sit here crying my eyes out, I think I need a mailbox because. Miss my mom and dad so much! It hurts my heart every day! So hard to lose our loved ones and I lost both in less then a year and my hubby coming down with cancer in that same year.
Write this book Laura, not only for you but for others who need it!
You can do hard things!
Xoxo
Cynthia says
December 17, 2015 at 9:32 amWhat a lovely story, Laura. It brought tears to my eyes but a lightness to my heart as well, thank you for sharing!
Chris says
December 17, 2015 at 10:11 amMerry Christmas Laura. 🙂
admin says
December 17, 2015 at 5:04 pmI think about you so much and am so happy if this helps in any small way to start the healing process!
admin says
December 17, 2015 at 5:05 pmYes! We can both do hard things!
admin says
December 17, 2015 at 5:05 pmMerry Christmas Chris!
Cindy says
December 18, 2015 at 9:56 pmLaura,
I would so buy this book for myself and others. My husband works at a book publishing company but I would buy no matter who published! What a wonderful way to explain.
Cindy
Paulette Erato says
May 28, 2019 at 7:19 pmWhat a beautiful tradition. Thank you for sharing.